@UTF8 @Begin @Languages: eng @Participants: CAM CAM Speaker, LAJU LAJUAN Speaker, ENV ENV Environment @Options: CA, caps, bullets @ID: eng|SBCSAE|CAM|||||Speaker||| @ID: eng|SBCSAE|LAJU|||||Speaker||| @ID: eng|SBCSAE|ENV|||||Environment||| @Media: 44, audio @Comment: He Knows @Comment: Face-to-face conversation recorded in the living room of a private home in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Two friends (Cam and Lajuan) are talking about their families and friends, and their own experiences as gay men. *CAM: &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh (.) &=laugh &=laugh &=in &=lengthened 0_1993 No: 1993_2343 he doesn't +/. 2343_2858 *CAM: (.) He ⌈ doesn't ⌉ (.) ca:ll really . 2858_4622 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 3252_3561 *CAM: (.) I don't +/. 4622_5276 *CAM: &=in The only thing is like at at ho:me 5276_7155 sometimes he likes to sit by me and ⌈ stuff like ⌉ . 7155_9461 *LAJU: ⌊ &=tsk &=in ⌋ I forgot to tell you 9067_10139 look for the house with the reindeer . 10139_11333 *LAJU: You could find it a lot easier if you couldn't remember where we were . 11333_13749 *CAM: &{l=X Oh ⌈ really &}l=X ? 13749_14214 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in &{l=@ &=ex &}l=@ ⌋ . 13981_15059 *CAM: (.) I always ⌉ remember &{l=X at &}l=X . 14537_15804 *LAJU: (.) Once you get ⌈2 to it ⌉2 . 15804_17138 *CAM: ⌊2 Once I ⌋2 see it 16604_17392 I know 17392_17705 oh that's it . 17705_18263 *LAJU: (..) Yeah . 18263_19325 *CAM: I'll look at some of the houses 19325_20384 I'm like ooh 20384_20788 is it this one 20788_21256 is this one it 21256_21839 (.) and then I just- +/. 21839_22642 *CAM: Oh no 22642_23059 that's the one . 23059_23566 *LAJU: (.) &=in Yeah 23566_24355 the one with the two reindeer that 24355_25607 Mark and Tim last year took and put on top of each other as if they were humping . 25607_28563 *LAJU: I was like- &{l=VOX &=in &}l=VOX . 28563_29029 *LAJU: (.) &=in (.) &{l=@ Neighbors are gonna see this &}l=@ 29029_30726 &=in ⌈ so I went out in the ⌉ morning I'm like . 30726_32017 *CAM: ⌊ Oh &{l=% Go:d &}l=% ⌋ . 30865_31592 *LAJU: &{l=VOX &=in &=lengthened &}l=VOX 32017_32328 (.) so I get out of my car 32328_33475 stop in the driveway &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh 33475_35038 &{l=SM take em off of each other &}l=SM . 35038_36317 *LAJU: I was like 36317_36708 &=in I'll just kill them . 36708_38018 *CAM: Those naughty boys . 38018_39253 *LAJU: (.) &=in But um 39253_40489 (..) mm 40489_41507 (.) no 41507_42102 he just +/. 42102_42766 *LAJU: (..) &=in He he 42766_44340 (.) he's become mo:re (.) atta:ched . 44340_46611 *LAJU: (..) and 46611_48084 (.) uh- I think a lot of it is because a lot of his 48084_50363 (.) friends have now gotten married 50363_51843 and have children 51843_52507 &=in and he doesn't (.) do as much with them . 52507_54436 *LAJU: (..) And I think that's why 54436_56189 but he has gotten so: att⌈ached ⌉ to me and it . 56189_58261 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 57342_57710 *LAJU: &=in (.) I've always been very indepe:ndent 58261_60754 (.) &=in and a lot of it had to do with like me growing up the way I did 60754_63341 with my (.) my um 63341_64204 (.) my mother dying . 64204_65202 *CAM: (..) Mhm . 65202_66040 *LAJU: younger 66040_66398 and then living with my one aunt 66398_67510 and then my I- aunt died when I was twelve 67510_69308 &=in and then moving to another aunt 69308_70821 which was moving up he:re 70821_72033 &=in and 72033_73004 (.) I I've always had to go ba:ck and forth 73004_75066 I've always traveled on my own 75066_76263 I've always flown everywhere by myself 76263_77761 &=in (.) uh 77761_78616 (.) I've always done everything . 78616_80195 *LAJU: I've had to deal with my fa:ther 80195_81401 I- I'd listen to my sister 81401_82527 when my nephew (.) &=in started college 82527_84296 how she was saying 84296_85140 &=in she filled out all of his applications for where he was go:ing and 85140_88355 &=in she did all of these things when he had to apply for a scholarship or whatever 88355_92229 &=in she filled out everything 92229_93591 and I'm like 93591_94231 &=in (.) &=ex 94231_94808 I did it by myse:lf 94808_96187 &=in you read the form 96187_97372 (.) and you fill it out . 97372_98509 *CAM: (.) ⌈ Wo:w ⌉ . 98509_99346 *LAJU: ⌊ No one ⌋ did it for me: 98808_100240 &=in (.) you know 100240_100974 and I was very (.) ʔuh much 100974_103104 (.) whatever I needed 103104_104641 &=in I I got my money from my fa:ther 104641_106968 he paid for schoo:l 106968_108102 &=in but 108102_108872 I did everything on my own . 108872_110191 *LAJU: (.) I I didn't ha:ve anyone . 110191_112040 *CAM: &=tsk See my parents weren't very: 112040_113673 I ⌈ don't know ⌉ . 113673_114332 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 113985_114368 *CAM: (.) They're not (.) extremely educated 114368_116473 and they're not 116473_117086 (.) really on top of things 117086_118474 &=in and so ⌈ when it ⌉ came to things like that . 118474_120348 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 119276_119562 *CAM: they w:ouldn't know how to help me . 120348_121609 *CAM: (.) &=laugh &=lengthened &=laugh ⌈ &=laugh &=laugh &=in ⌉ . 121609_123168 *LAJU: ⌊ Really ⌋ . 122530_123173 *CAM: Yeah 123173_123457 they wouldn't +/. 123457_123930 *CAM: (..) I mean they had no clue 123930_125282 they didn't give me any suggestions of where to go to school 125282_127486 they said 127486_127852 &=in oh yeah go to school 127852_129099 we'll pay for it . 129099_129837 *CAM: &=in We want you to go to school . 129837_131043 *CAM: But they had no idea of 131043_132410 you know 132410_132726 what's a good school 132726_133441 what's a bad school: 133441_134429 you know 134429_134780 ⌈ any ⌉ type of di⌈2rection ? 134780_136196 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in ⌋ 134780_135309 ⌊2 Se- +/. 135613_135975 *LAJU: ʔuh ʔuh Yeah ⌋2 . 136196_137424 *CAM: They didn't give me anything like that ⌉2 . 136196_137424 *LAJU: and see I f:eel ⌈3 that's ⌉3 one of the biggest setbacks . 137424_140001 *CAM: ⌊3 &=THROAT ⌋3 . 138445_138847 *LAJU: I I see this with &=in with bla:ck (.) youths today 140001_143145 is that 143145_143657 &=in (.) becau:se your generations in the pa:st 143657_146507 were not educated . 146507_147808 *CAM: (.) ⌈ Mm: ⌉ . 147808_148569 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in ⌋ you have a harder time deciding on what's a good school 148085_151175 &=in what's a good curriculum for you to ta:ke 151175_153299 (.) &=in your your parents aren't able to talk to you about it . 153299_156248 *LAJU: &=in W- just as you were saying 156248_157597 even though you're not black 157597_158376 but you were just saying that 158376_159300 &=in but black children have that (.) even more so . 159300_161857 *CAM: Right . 161857_162240 *LAJU: Because you har- +/. 162240_162794 *LAJU: You're you're more likely (.) not to be ha- come from educated parents . 162794_166032 *LAJU: &=in Whereas I came from an educated family 166032_167777 (.) it was just the fact 167777_168636 &=in (.) they made us do everything on our ow:n . 168636_171046 *LAJU: (.) &=in ⌈ And ⌉ . 171046_172101 *CAM: ⌊ Mm ⌋ . 171571_172101 *LAJU: but 172101_172543 (.) ʔuh (.) black people also: 172543_174487 th- those that have more 174487_175897 tried to teach you to be stro:nger . 175897_177433 *LAJU: &=in But I think they instilled s- tried m- tried to make me so strong 177433_180629 &=in that they forgo:t 180629_181871 (..) that I was a person . 181871_183489 *LAJU: And I mean like 183489_184054 I I often feel like at times that 184054_186002 &=in (.) &=tsk and maybe it's the gayness coming out in me but 186002_189224 (..) &=in I don't like it 189224_191124 like and when I was ho:me 191124_192066 (.) just went home to Indiana . 192066_193271 *LAJU: &=in I went to hug my sister 193271_195016 (.) and I still feel that she finds a coldness in hugging . 195016_198072 *CAM: (..) She doesn't like to hug . 198072_199297 *LAJU: (.) &=in &=lengthened No . 199297_200056 *LAJU: My family's not very much h:ugging . 200056_201580 *CAM: (.) Oh . 201580_201894 *LAJU: I mean 201894_202149 my whole life 202149_203115 (.) we've never been very 203115_204471 you greet someone 204471_205436 you don't s- hug them . 205436_206226 *LAJU: You're just like &{l=VOX hi &}l=VOX 206226_206897 how are you 206897_207638 (..) and even like male female . 207638_209833 *LAJU: &=in You don't do it . 209833_210862 *CAM: (..) See uh my (.) ⌈ my ⌉ mother was like that more so . 210862_214661 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 212541_213006 *CAM: &=in And then my f:ather was (.) d:ifferent . 214661_216964 *LAJU: (.) Very emotional ? 216964_218059 *LAJU: ⌈ Very hugging ⌉ ? 218059_218585 *CAM: ⌊ Yeah ⌋ 218059_218585 very hugging 218701_219150 they were just +/. 219150_219538 *CAM: &=in (.) See my ⌈ family is ⌉ more . 219538_220921 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 220028_220422 *CAM: it's it's different . 220921_221955 *CAM: ⌈ It's like ⌉ . 221955_222367 *LAJU: ⌊ Mm ⌋ . 221955_222367 *CAM: ʔuh: each member of the family is s:lightly different 222367_225172 (.) and different a- amount of (.) touch . 225172_227670 *LAJU: (.) &=in &=lengthened I always sai:d 227670_229401 (..) that if I had children 229401_231196 (..) I would always +/. 231196_233637 *LAJU: Especially if I had a son 233637_234765 I would hug him 234765_235539 just so he knew that I loved him . 235539_237031 *CAM: Ri:ght . 237031_237656 *CAM: I think it's important 237656_238535 I think it's ⌈ good ⌉ . 238535_239452 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 238977_239452 *CAM: (.) I don't think you can overly hug 239452_241382 &=in (.) um 241382_242609 (.) with family and stuff like that . 242609_244245 *LAJU: Yeah . 244245_244796 *LAJU: See and that's how I feel 244796_245934 is that 245934_246345 &=in I want to hug him 246345_247384 because I want him to know that I do love him . 247384_249150 *CAM: Mhm . 249150_249638 *LAJU: And that 249638_250366 (.) I I I want my children 250366_251919 (.) if I if I ever ha:d children 251919_253403 &=in to know: 253403_254369 &=in (..) tha:t 254369_255592 there is nothing wro:ng with showing physical affection between two men . 255592_258607 *LAJU: It doesn't make you gay . 258607_259866 *CAM: (.) Right . 259866_260483 *LAJU: (.) You know 260483_260981 and tha:t is one of the things that Scott was saying yesterday 260981_262986 it really bothered Scott a lot 262986_264096 because his nephew 264096_265189 &=in (.) uh 265189_266529 (.) kept calling him Aunt Sco:tt . 266529_268260 *LAJU: (..) Because 268260_269626 and his nephew was just being rude and obnoxious about every gift 269626_272281 &=in (.) he he unwrapped 272281_273458 and his brother said 273458_274306 &=in oh that's just the way kids are today 274306_275999 and I'm like 275999_276356 &=in no that's the way you train your kids . 276356_278200 *LAJU: (.) &=in If you don't train your kids to be any better 278200_280775 (..) then they are 280775_282023 and see and in Scott's family 282023_283007 like his brother 283007_283637 his older brother'll say 283637_284535 oh Scott's my best friend . 284535_285535 *LAJU: &=in But he'll tease Scott about- 285535_286643 oh why aren't you married . 286643_287699 *LAJU: You know 287699_287935 you must be a fa:g . 287935_288892 *LAJU: Or this 288892_289209 &=in and he'll lau:gh it off 289209_290433 &=in and he doesn't realize 290433_291470 well yeah Scott i:s gay 291470_292648 &=in and it hurts Scott . 292648_294071 *CAM: (.) He doe:sn't know that he's gay ? 294071_295535 *LAJU: (.) &=THROAT Hm-mm . 295535_296841 *CAM: (.) &=THROAT . 296841_297225 *LAJU: (.) Has no idea . 297225_298278 *LAJU: (.) He's probably he's gonna drop him off 298278_299524 which is why I have to close those blinds soon . 299524_300840 *LAJU: &=in &=lengthened (.) Bu:t uh 300840_301799 &=laugh &=ex &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=in 301799_302842 (.) it it's the way (..) he is: . 302842_305067 *LAJU: And his brother is just like that . 305067_306745 *LAJU: (.) And so: 306745_307643 (.) he: 307643_308663 (..) and h- and so his little boy is growing up the same way . 308663_312001 *LAJU: Larry's twelve . 312001_312884 *LAJU: (.) &=in And he:'s like this big kid 312884_314521 cause he's overweight . 314521_315133 *LAJU: And I told Scott I said well Scott 315133_316204 &=in I wouldn't take it personal 316204_317262 cause Scott was telling me this morning 317262_318385 I said 318385_318651 &=in first of all 318651_319508 (.) Larry's twelve years old 319508_320760 (.) he's like six foot one 320760_322478 and he's fat . 322478_323246 *LAJU: (.) I mean 323246_324364 he's just (.) probably a good two hundred fifty ⌈ pounds I said ⌉ . 324364_327014 *CAM: ⌊ He's six ⌋ one ? 326423_327497 *CAM: (..) At twelve ? 327497_328462 *LAJU: (..) At twelve years ⌈ old ⌉ . 328462_330416 *CAM: ⌊ Oh that's ⌋ scary . 330080_330819 *LAJU: (.) And he's like two hundred and fifty pounds . 330819_332484 *LAJU: &=in And I said Scott he's compensating 332484_334297 &=in for the fact 334297_334958 I said I bet you the kids pick on him 334958_336103 I said he's different . 336103_337103 *LAJU: &=in I said so therefore: 337103_338566 (.) &=in he probably is a big bully at school . 338566_340679 *LAJU: (.) And I said 340679_341722 so he's probably just like this kid who's just like 341722_344066 (.) &=in rea:l (.) &=in bitter 344066_346014 &=in because nobody +/. 346014_346876 *LAJU: And I said his dad is just an (.) a a jerk 346876_348961 Scott's brother 348961_349654 &=in (.) will call our hou:se 349654_351033 and just 351033_351583 (.) is just (.) rude to Scott 351583_353477 (.) &=in But yet he'll turn around and ask Scott to borrow five thousand dollars . 353477_356544 *LAJU: (..) I mean like he just borrowed twenty-five thousand dollars from Scott 356544_359664 &=in (.) like two years ago 359664_361139 and told Scott 361139_361500 oh I'll give it back 361500_362222 I'm gonna invest it and I'll give it back in three months . 362222_364309 *LAJU: &=in So 364309_365328 he gives Scott +/. 365328_366093 *LAJU: (.) It takes him instead 366093_367393 a year and a half to pay Scott back . 367393_368989 *LAJU: &=in Like w- (.) Scott's got twenty-five thousand dollars just to lay around . 368989_372007 *LAJU: (.) Like that . 372007_372854 *LAJU: (.) You know and 372854_373470 &=in (.) that's the way his brother is . 373470_375460 *LAJU: (.) You know very 375460_376631 (..) and he's just 376631_377749 (.) he's just mea:n to Scott . 377749_379166 *LAJU: He says things to Scott 379166_380300 &=in (.) just like 380300_381535 (..) oh: just awful things about ⌈ gay: and ⌉ . 381535_384766 *CAM: ⌊ Well 383882_384175 (.) why does⌋n't (.) Scott say something . 384175_386182 *LAJU: (.) &=tsk &=in Because 386182_387248 (.) Scott hasn't dealt with his gayness himself 387248_389129 and he hasn't dealt with 389129_390248 (..) who he is . 390248_391923 *CAM: Mm . 391923_392258 *LAJU: (..) And that's why he doesn't say anything . 392258_394683 *CAM: (..) So you can't really blame the guy in ⌈ the sense ⌉ that . 394683_398064 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 397231_397791 *CAM: he doesn't ⌈2 know he's hurting him ⌉2 ? 398064_399352 *LAJU: ⌊2 &=in If Scott ⌋2 doesn't stick up for himself . 398440_400810 *CAM: Right . 400810_401130 *LAJU: &=in And I ⌈ keep tell⌉ing Scott . 401130_402330 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 401600_401958 *LAJU: you're gonna have to say something . 402330_404000 *CAM: ⌈ &=THROAT ⌉ . 404000_404314 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in ⌋ Because all of these things are hurting you . 404000_406125 *CAM: (..) ⌈2 &{l=VOX Yeah: ⌉2 &}l=VOX . 406125_407489 *LAJU: ⌊2 And Scott⌋2's like oh it doesn't bother me 407080_408297 and I'm like then why are you talking about it . 408297_409900 *LAJU: (..) I said i- if that would have been my nephew 409900_412805 and he would have said that to me 412805_413794 I'd've knocked him across that chair 413794_414856 I don't care how ⌈ big he was . 414856_416109 *CAM: ⌊ &{l=VOX &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &}l=VOX . 415507_417017 *LAJU: &=in ʔuh: [% laugh] &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=in ʔuh ⌉ . 416109_418424 *CAM: Oh yeah: ⌋ . 417357_418345 *LAJU: ʔuh I said my nephews d- +/. 418345_419520 *LAJU: My nephews and nieces do no:t 419520_421066 &=in one of the little gi⌈:rls ⌉ . 421066_422346 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 422026_422346 *LAJU: f- uh 422346_422974 tried pulling something on +/. 422974_424345 *LAJU: (.) We went shopping 424345_425358 &=in and tried the little attitude in the in the mall . 425358_427696 *LAJU: &=in And I grabbed her and I said 427696_429091 I don't care if you are my sister's child 429091_431156 &=in (.) I will knock you across that bench 431156_433469 &{l=HI in a ⌈ sec⌉ond &}l=HI . 433469_434027 *CAM: ⌊ &=laugh ⌋ . 433645_433810 *LAJU: I said ⌈2 I don't have to ⌉2 take that . 434027_435531 *CAM: ⌊2 &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌋2 . 434404_434910 *LAJU: &{l=X I [% laugh] just it's &}l=X +/. 435531_436234 *LAJU: You will never go shopping with me again . 436234_437948 *CAM: (.) &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌈ &=laugh ⌉ . 437948_439483 *LAJU: ⌊ Um ⌋ 439166_439483 I just don't believe in it 439483_440767 and I I I'm sorry 440767_441803 I was not hit as a child 441803_443041 but I also was n:ot nasty 443041_444555 like some kids now ? 444555_445273 *LAJU: &=in He's right . 445273_446268 *LAJU: (.) They do talk &{l=X bad &}l=X . 446268_447248 *LAJU: Some of the kids say things 447248_448160 but kids always do 448160_449005 bu:t 449005_449339 &=in that's ⌈ not an ⌉ excu:se . 449339_451157 *ENV: ⌊ &=PHONE_BEEPS ⌋ . 449909_450322 *CAM: Exactly . 451157_451850 *LAJU: (.) ⌈ &=THROAT ⌉ . 451850_452498 *ENV: ⌊ &=PHONE_BEEP ⌋ . 452221_452498 *LAJU: (..) Hello ? 452499_453569 *LAJU: (..) Hello: ? 453569_455577 *LAJU: (..) What's wro:ng . 455577_457343 *CAM: (..) &{l=P It's Jimmy &}l=P . 457343_458772 *LAJU: (..) &{l=SM ʔWhy . 458772_460541 *LAJU: (.) &=in 460541_461224 (..) Why ? 461224_462963 *LAJU: &=in &}l=SM 462963_463347 (..) &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened 463347_465673 (..) ʔuh [% laugh] ʔuh [% laugh] &=in &=lengthened (.) Okay 465673_469428 (..) &=in alright . 469428_471004 *LAJU: Wel- +/. 471004_471315 *LAJU: (.) Yeah . 471315_472295 *LAJU: (..) If you don't have enough gas and you're worried 472295_475008 that you're gonna run out 475008_475685 I wouldn't go anywhere &{l=% ei:ther &}l=% . 475685_476960 *LAJU: (..) &=tsk So why don't you call- +/. 476960_479270 *LAJU: I'll call you later on . 479270_480140 *LAJU: Okay ? 480140_480485 *LAJU: (.) &=in Bye . 480485_481378 *ENV: (.) &=PHONE_BEEP . 481378_481963 *LAJU: &=in (.) He's afraid that he's gonna run out of gas getting over here . 481963_484406 *CAM: Well why doesn't he get ga:s . 484406_485971 *LAJU: &=in I don't know 485971_486550 he drove all the way back from Green Bay with 486550_488077 (.) just on that . 488077_488985 *LAJU: And he thought he was ʔgonna 488985_489986 ʔlike 489986_490298 (.) make it 490298_491100 and somebody would be open 491100_492122 and I'm like 492122_492614 (..) &=in so he said he's like 492614_494472 it's- +/. 494472_494811 *LAJU: He said it's like past empty 494811_496219 it's past the E: 496219_497223 (.) &=in and so he's afrai:d 497223_498734 &=in (.) that he'll run out on his way over here- 498734_500900 and he probably would . 500900_502035 *CAM: (..) Oh: . 502035_502960 *CAM: (.) Well he should just 502960_504303 (.) ⌈ go to a gas ⌉ station . 504303_505663 *LAJU: ⌊ So he said he'll ⌋ +/. 504734_505413 *LAJU: (.) &=in Well there's one down the street from his house 505663_507149 but it'll probably be open tomorrow morning . 507149_508495 *CAM: (.) Oh . 508495_508919 *LAJU: It's not open now . 508919_509698 *LAJU: So he said he'd just rather stay home . 509698_511311 *LAJU: (..) Instead 511311_512830 and I said fi:ne 512830_513524 go ahead and stay home . 513524_514223 *CAM: &=laugh &=laugh ⌈ &=laugh &=laugh ⌉ . 514223_515631 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in &=lengthened ⌋ But I don't know 515364_516213 I I really think that 516213_517425 it ⌈ it's ⌉ hard . 517425_518247 *CAM: ⌊ &=SNIFF ⌋ . 517603_517841 *LAJU: (.) it's hard 518247_518887 (.) it's it is hard having 518887_520232 (..) to hi:de this like Scott's doing 520232_522142 I couldn't hide it any longer &{l=X than he has &}l=X 522142_524254 (..) he's hiding it way too long . 524254_526167 *CAM: (.) Yea:h . 526167_527303 *LAJU: (.) ⌈ &=THROAT ⌉ . 527303_528387 *CAM: ⌊ No I ⌋ couldn't hide it that long either . 528035_529548 *CAM: (..) I told my mother when I had like 529548_531525 (..) my (.) boyfriend moved away . 531525_533765 *CAM: (..) &=tsk ⌈ She s- ⌉ +... 533765_535533 *LAJU: ⌊ Is that why ⌋ you told her ? 535120_535947 *CAM: (.) Mm . 535947_536567 *CAM: (.) Cause I was really upset . 536567_537905 *CAM: (.) &=in And then I s- +/. 537905_539349 *CAM: (.) An:d then she's like 539349_540535 well it's a good thing he moved away 540535_541757 cause he was sort of (.) effeminate 541757_543857 (..) &=laugh and I was really offended . 543857_545861 *LAJU: (.) That's how she took it ? 545861_546942 *CAM: (.) Yea:h . 546942_547900 *CAM: (.) And I was really offended 547900_548979 cause ⌈ she said ⌉ something like . 548979_549930 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 549143_549447 *CAM: well it's a good thing 549930_550594 he was sort of weird 550594_551319 I didn't like you hanging around him . 551319_552562 *CAM: (..) And I said &{l=VOX what do you mean he was weird &}l=VOX . 552562_555159 *CAM: (.) And she said he was sort of effeminate . 555159_557044 *CAM: (.) And I was like 557044_558004 well what do you mean 558004_558515 he's gay: or something 558515_559390 she's like well I think he might have been . 559390_560697 *CAM: (..) And I said well: ʔuh 560697_562152 (..) why 562152_562903 does that bother you ? 562903_563719 *CAM: I said because I am . 563719_564635 *CAM: (.) And she's like 564635_565411 (..) no: . 565411_566520 *CAM: You're not . 566520_566995 *CAM: I know you . 566995_567620 *CAM: You're not gay . 567620_568303 *CAM: (.) &=laugh &=ex ⌈ &=lengthened ⌉ . 568303_569845 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in ⌋ . 569550_569845 *CAM: &=in And I said 569845_570755 &=in (.) yes I am . 570755_572037 *CAM: (.) I said 572037_572543 (..) how do you know me: 572543_574410 better than I know myself: [% laugh] . 574410_575935 *CAM: &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh 575935_576891 &=in &=lengthened &{l=@ And she's just &}l=@ looking at me 576891_578729 and she was like really upset . 578729_580178 *CAM: (.) &=in &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened . 580178_581875 *LAJU: Did she tell your dad or did you tell your dad . 581875_583445 *CAM: &=tsk No 583445_584085 (..) she ended up telling him I think eventually 584085_586389 but not right away . 586389_587162 *CAM: (.) &=in First thing I had ⌈ to go to ⌉ see ʔa: a psychiatrist . 587162_589902 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ 588099_588429 (.) &=tsk Oh she made you go do that . 590018_591627 *CAM: Mhm 591627_592001 (.) I went . 592001_592617 *LAJU: (..) Oh Jim's mother told him that too . 592617_594553 *CAM: (.) &=tsk See and then I went 594553_595878 (.) and the guy:'s like really nice 595878_597248 and ⌈ he's like ⌉ well what what's why are you here . 597248_599418 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 597371_597658 *CAM: (.) tell me what's (.) what's going on . 599418_600732 *CAM: (.) &=in And I said ⌈ well: ⌉ . 600732_601895 *LAJU: ⌊ How old ⌋ were you at this time . 601535_602754 *CAM: (.) &=tsk &=in (.) Nineteen . 602754_604936 *LAJU: (.) And she &{l=X said that's for the &}l=X psychiatrist at nineteen ? 604936_606925 *LAJU: She didn't think you knew: 606925_607785 (.) enough about yourself at that age ? 607785_609119 *CAM: (.) Right . 609119_609478 *CAM: (.) Well 609478_609770 she didn't wa:nt to believe it 609770_610697 ⌈ you know ⌉ . 610697_611293 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ 610697_611293 ⌈2 Yeah ⌉2 . 611293_611722 *CAM: ⌊2 I guess ⌋2 you can't blame em 611447_612227 some (.) to some extent . 612227_613258 *CAM: (.) &=in So then I: went to the psychiatrist and 613258_615310 &=in he's like well what's the problem 615310_616653 and I said 616653_617079 well 617079_617440 (.) &=tsk my mother's upset because I'm gay . 617440_619308 *CAM: &=laugh &=lengthened &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh 619308_620749 &=in And he's like 620749_621388 well it sounds like she has a problem then [% laugh] 621388_623048 &=laugh &=lengthened &=laugh &=laugh ⌈ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=in . 623048_625561 *LAJU: ⌊ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=lengthened &=in &=lengthened 623790_624739 Did he really say that ⌋ ? 624739_625850 *CAM: &{l=VOX Ye⌉:s &}l=VOX . 625572_626106 *CAM: He said it sounds like that- she's the one with the problem . 626106_628245 *CAM: (..) And I didn't even th:ink about how I s:aid it . 628245_630770 *CAM: I just said it ? 630770_631589 *CAM: You know ? 631589_631996 *CAM: (..) And he interpreted w- how I said it 631996_634049 (.) as how it wa:s . 634049_635354 *CAM: You know 635354_635655 ⌈ w- which is true: ⌉ . 635655_636487 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in And you know what's really f⌋:unny 635655_637010 is ⌈2 that a ⌉2 psychiatrist ⌈3 would ⌉3 say that . 637010_638990 *CAM: ⌊2 &=SNIFF ⌋2 637315_637489 ⌊3 &=THROAT ⌋3 . 638164_638397 *LAJU: (.) and knowingly know: that 638990_640374 &=in (.) you know 640374_640976 he: accepted the fact that yes you are gay 640976_642939 that it is something that 642939_643781 (.) &=in like when Mike told his friend Julia 643781_645781 (.) &=in Mike was telling me that Julia said 645781_647492 (.) &=in oh I don't li:ke it 647492_648822 but if that's what you want 648822_649947 maybe that's not truly who you are: . 649947_651619 *LAJU: (..) You know 651619_653268 and 653268_653607 (.) I said to Mike 653607_654427 I said then Mike she didn't accept it . 654427_656049 *LAJU: (..) A:nd 656049_658308 (..) he sai:d 658308_660215 (.) &=in well 660215_661018 (.) I think she accepted it 661018_662202 she just said that 662202_663079 &=in and he told her that he feels he was bo:rn with it 663079_665734 and she said 665734_666385 (..) no 666385_667293 I don't believe that 667293_667830 I think it's your choice that that's what you want . 667830_669644 *LAJU: (.) &=in And I said to- +/. 669644_670944 *LAJU: And I and I told Mike 670944_671853 I said you know 671853_672470 &=in I hate when people say that 672470_673893 because 673893_674269 (.) if I felt that was my choice 674269_675641 &=in (.) I don't think that would've been the first choice I would've picked . 675641_678304 *CAM: &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh 678304_679285 ⌈ Oh [% laugh] Go:d no ⌉ . 679285_680579 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in And it's not to say that I'm ash⌋:a:med of being gay . 679285_681716 *CAM: ⌈2 No: ⌉2 . 681716_682232 *LAJU: ⌊2 ʔuh what it is⌋2: is that 681716_682711 &=in because of what society has do:ne 682711_684550 or has &=in laid the ru:les for us 684550_686584 (.) &=in I don't ⌈ really ⌉ think I would have chose to be gay . 686584_688891 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 687369_687647 *LAJU: (.) I I wouldn't . 688891_689655 *LAJU: (.) Why would I want to be gay 689655_690566 and have to deal with what we go through . 690566_691970 *CAM: (..) Exa:ctly . 691970_693676 *CAM: And that's &{l=X what &}l=X I ex⌈plained ⌉ to my f:olks now and . 693676_696011 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 694599_694899 *CAM: (.) &=in &=lengthened ⌈2 and they⌉2: ʔuh (.) totally believe that it's . 696011_698573 *LAJU: ⌊2 &=THROAT ⌋2 . 696573_696989 *CAM: (.) like (.) hereditary or genetic or whatever 698573_700638 that it's not a choice . 700638_701845 *CAM: (.) You know 701845_702727 ⌈ because ⌉ +... 702727_703256 *LAJU: ⌊ They do ⌋ believe it now ? 702727_703822 *CAM: Oh yeah . 703822_704225 *CAM: ⌈ They totally b- ⌉ +... 704225_704920 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in Oh: 704225_704724 I ⌋ believe it's (.) it's +/. 704724_705693 *LAJU: I don't know if it's hereditary ? 705693_707076 *LAJU: (.) I do believe it's something . 707076_708273 *LAJU: &=in It's a ge:ne 708273_709243 or it's something . 709243_710066 *CAM: Right . 710066_710495 *LAJU: I I do:n't (.) think +/. 710495_711872 *LAJU: I don't care what people say . 711872_712944 *LAJU: You- you are +/. 712944_713508 *LAJU: You do not choose . 713508_714650 *CAM: Unh-u⌈:nh ⌉ . 714650_715254 *LAJU: ⌊ I've ⌋ known 714952_715647 since I was: 715647_716548 (.) &=in (..) gosh 716548_719063 (.) probably: 719063_719948 (.) I can remember ? 719948_721046 *LAJU: Four ? 721046_721500 *LAJU: (.) Five years old ? 721500_722441 *CAM: I remember that . 722441_723202 *CAM: ⌈ &{l=X Yeah &}l=X ⌉ . 723202_723485 *LAJU: ⌊ I re⌋member: (.) looking (.) a:t 723202_725578 (..) my uncle was sleeping 725578_727734 (.) &=in on the couch 727734_729199 (..) in our family room 729199_730561 &=in an:d 730561_731466 he was sleeping there with his boxers on 731466_733296 and his (.) peepee fell out of his pants . 733296_735705 *LAJU: &=in (.) And I just stood there and stared at it 735705_737815 &=in an⌈:d I was ⌉ +... 737815_739227 *CAM: ⌊ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌋ . 738690_739227 *LAJU: And I know it was a sexual arousement 739227_740809 cause I can remember feeling sexually (.) interested . 740809_743558 *CAM: (..) &=laugh ⌈ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌉ . 743558_744914 *LAJU: ⌊ And so I was ⌋ like four years old . 744150_746024 *LAJU: (..) So I knew then . 746024_747556 *LAJU: (.) You you kno:w what you feel insi:de . 747556_749865 *LAJU: You you c- you ⌈ can't ⌉ +... 749865_750859 *CAM: ⌊ Right ⌋ . 750386_750859 *LAJU: (..) &=in And I don't care what anybody says 750859_753111 a- a- f- at four years old 753111_754246 I pick- +/. 754246_754736 *LAJU: I chose that ? 754736_755511 *LAJU: That I (..) liked (.) what I saw 755511_757550 I don't think so . 757550_758263 *LAJU: I don't think I knew at four years old 758263_759740 &=in that I could actually just say oh 759740_761328 &=in wow 761328_761936 I wanna play with this guy . 761936_763124 *LAJU: &=in ⌈ You know ⌉ . 763124_763787 *CAM: ⌊ Right ⌋ . 763387_763787 *LAJU: I don't think so . 763787_764861 *LAJU: (.) And and if they say things like 764861_766314 &=in oh when I was maybe s:even 766314_768408 (..) I slept with my cousin Tommy 768408_770251 who was probably twelve thirteen ? 770251_772214 *LAJU: &=in (.) At the time 772214_773634 and I slept with him 773634_774740 (..) no he was sixteen . 774740_776450 *LAJU: (.) Shared a bed with him 776450_777632 and he: 777632_778386 (.) &=in uh: 778386_779574 (..) started fondling me 779574_781588 and I enjoyed it 781588_782401 and I fondled him back . 782401_783607 *LAJU: (.) &=in And I was like (.) seven years old . 783607_785852 *LAJU: &=in And (.) I (.) I don't say that he did it to me 785852_788381 he molested me or 788381_789460 r- or raped me as people are saying now 789460_791225 &=in the older uncle 791225_792353 &=in (.) generally 792353_793552 I think these kids . 793552_794582 *CAM: (..) Hm . 794582_795550 *LAJU: (.) not saying adults should've been more responsible 795550_797465 my six⌈teen-year-old ⌉ cons- cousin should have been more responsible . 797465_799562 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 797799_798063 *LAJU: and not played with a seven-year-old child 799562_801176 &=in but 801176_801906 (.) he did . 801906_802615 *LAJU: &=in But I'm not gonna turn around and tell my aunt 802615_804620 well 804620_804832 (.) gee your son 804832_805895 (.) mol⌈ested me ⌉ as a child . 805895_807320 *CAM: ⌊ Is he gay ⌋ ? 806173_806802 *LAJU: No . 807320_807572 *CAM: (..) He's not gay . 807572_808817 *LAJU: (.) Well 808817_809701 (.) we don't know . 809701_810266 *LAJU: &=in ⌈ &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened &=in &=in ⌉ &=ex . 810266_812165 *CAM: ⌊ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌋ . 810741_811722 *LAJU: (.) &=in A:ctually: 812165_813569 (.) I think he is . 813569_814506 *LAJU: He brought home a drag queen for Christmas last year . 814506_816395 *LAJU: (.) &=in So . 816395_817330 *CAM: (.) Oh yeah . 817330_818292 *CAM: &=laugh &=laugh ⌈ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌉ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh . 818292_819593 *LAJU: ⌊ &{l=YWN &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌋ 818522_819125 (.) But 819593_820033 (..) at the time &}l=YWN no . 820033_821646 *LAJU: he ha- +/. 821646_822011 *LAJU: &=in (.) Like when he turned twenty-two 822011_823964 he got (.) married 823964_824653 and he had kids and stuff 824653_825563 he has: (.) kids 825563_826230 which doesn't mean anything 826230_827138 there are a lot of fags with kids 827138_828186 but 828186_828346 &=in he: (.) just is very 828346_830053 (.) that was what ha:ppened to me . 830053_831357 *LAJU: And (.) and I don't blame my cousin 831357_832967 it was just another awakening experience for me 832967_834975 I mean there were several experiences 834975_836313 &=in when I was growing up 836313_837572 I mean 837572_837932 &=in I remember watching one of our neighbors 837932_839787 who was taking a shower 839787_840778 and you could see right through his bedroom 840778_842329 and he got out and he was naked . 842329_843631 *LAJU: And I remember watching . 843631_844795 *LAJU: (.) &=in And I remember being mesmerized by his body . 844795_847442 *LAJU: (..) I was never really that mesmerized by a female's body 847442_850466 as I was by a male's body 850466_851653 ⌈ and so ⌉ . 851653_852115 *CAM: ⌊ Right ⌋ . 851653_852115 *LAJU: &=in that's why I don't understand where uh (.) they come up with this of 852115_854708 &=in it's your choice . 854708_855778 *LAJU: It's no:t . 855778_856457 *LAJU: I I know 856457_857238 &=in ⌈ that that's ⌉ what I ⌈2 felt ⌉2 . 857238_858566 *CAM: ⌊ &{l=X Well &}l=X ⌋ 857553_857878 ⌊2 &=in I ⌋2 remember when I was li- +/. 858146_859646 *CAM: I was like probab⌈3ly three or ⌉3 four . 859646_860946 *LAJU: ⌊3 &=THROAT ⌋3 . 860322_860670 *CAM: and I was wrestling on the- 860946_861944 I th- I ⌈ remember ⌉ wrestling on the floor . 861944_863970 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 862461_862876 *CAM: &=in with my brothers 863970_865079 and being aroused . 865079_865900 *CAM: &{l=X Mhm &}l=X . 865900_866324 *CAM: (..) Just like (.) goofing around and stuff ⌈ like that ⌉ ? 866324_869849 *LAJU: ⌊ Mhm ⌋ . 869408_869849 *CAM: (..) &=in And then I think the l- +/. 869849_871302 *CAM: (.) ʔThe experience when I was younger 871302_873411 and my ʔuh:older brothers had (.) friends over . 873411_876047 *CAM: (.) &=in I remember the f- +/. 876047_877262 *CAM: (.) He he he (.) come over with these friends 877262_879368 with these guys 879368_880035 and I would just be like 880035_881030 (..) in lust . 881030_882490 *CAM: (.) &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened &=laugh &=laugh &=in 882490_884018 For [% laugh] these [% laugh] guys 884018_884896 I mean 884896_885226 &=in I must have been like nine or ten 885226_886767 and I was just like (..) idolizing these guys . 886767_889277 *CAM: &{l=P Like oh: my Go:d 889277_890242 &{l=X wow: &}l=X &}l=P 890242_890677 (..) I remember 890677_891690 I would like imagine like 891690_893218 (.) if I could have them in my bedroom . 893218_894915 *LAJU: (.) ⌈ See th- yeah ⌉ . 894915_896373 *CAM: ⌊ That type of thing ⌋ . 895486_896373 *CAM: (..) You know 896373_897173 ⌈ of- oh if ⌉ +... 897173_897814 *LAJU: ⌊ Mhm ⌋ . 897173_897814 *CAM: (.) Li- as if they were like a to⌈2:y or ⌉2 something . 897814_899972 *LAJU: ⌊2 &=THROAT ⌋2 899139_899382 (.) &=tsk &=in That was my older brother 899972_901441 because my ⌈ older ⌉ brother: . 901441_902388 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 901813_902008 *LAJU: (.) uh: 902388_902835 (.) played football at Perdue . 902835_904057 *CAM: (.) ⌈ Mhm ⌉ . 904057_904581 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in ⌋ and I used to go to games 904265_905490 and I followed him around 905490_906528 he'd take me for weekends 906528_907612 and then I'd get to sit in the locker room . 907612_909103 *LAJU: &=in And 909103_909889 (.) these guys would like tickle me: 909889_912003 and hug me 912003_912753 and I was just a little kid . 912753_913930 *LAJU: (.) &=in Cause I probably +/. 913930_915088 *LAJU: (.) Mm 915088_915383 (.) I was probably about ten at the time 915383_916953 ten eleven 916953_917632 &=in and they: just thought I was the ni:cest little boy 917632_919881 and 919881_920072 &=in (.) I just had 920072_921248 and I knew it . 921248_921759 *LAJU: I was always sexually aroused by it . 921759_923721 *LAJU: (.) And +/. 923721_924043 *LAJU: &=in And you know these things 924043_925419 and 925419_925584 &=in (.) you know it's ins:ide of you . 925584_927387 *LAJU: (.) ⌈ A:⌉nd . 927387_928156 *CAM: ⌊ Mhm ⌋ . 927529_927890 *LAJU: (..) you know 928156_929231 (.) what what do you do . 929231_930342 *LAJU: (.) And I know my brother 930342_931608 (..) who lives in Dallas 931608_933011 uh 933011_933230 the one that played football at Perdue 933230_934484 he +/. 934484_934815 *LAJU: &=in He knew it . 934815_935582 *LAJU: (.) &=in He (.) he knew 935582_936990 he knew especially after &=laugh Ron 936990_938466 (.) because when I left California 938466_939936 &=in I didn't come back here first 939936_941172 I actually went to Dallas . 941172_942254 *LAJU: &=in (.) Because my brother's like come and stay with me: 942254_944430 things'll work ou:t 944430_945286 and 945286_945810 (.) &=in you can look for a job down here . 945810_947395 *LAJU: (.) &=in A:nd so: 947395_949039 (.) Ron f:lew to Dallas 949039_950582 (.) and went to my brother's house 950582_951905 and banged on the door 951905_952755 and said I want to see him 952755_953732 we need to talk 953732_954398 and my brother's like 954398_954962 &=in (..) this is really odd for two friends 954962_957527 (.) to be this emotionally atta:ched . 957527_959799 *LAJU: &=in And I was like crying all the time 959799_962240 (.) &=in and like when Ron came 962240_963511 I started to- crying 963511_964535 and I was just like 964535_965144 just tell him to leave me alone 965144_966219 just get him out of here 966219_967223 &=in (.) and (.) blah blah blah 967223_968794 and . 968794_969235 *CAM: &=laugh &{l=@ Oh my ⌈ Go:d &}l=@ ⌉ . 969235_970322 *LAJU: ⌊ Now you ⌋ tell me your family doesn't realize 969775_971761 now what is wrong 971761_972807 that two friends a:re: 972807_974826 (.) &=in . 974826_975149 *CAM: (.) Having a . 975149_975863 *LAJU: (.) Th- a thing . 975863_976740 *LAJU: They're fighting each other: 976740_978087 th- one guy's standing outside the house at midnight screaming 978087_980612 &=in let me talk to him let me talk to him 980612_983011 (..) it is a little weird . 983011_984703 *LAJU: (..) You know 984703_986214 so . 986214_986705 *CAM: (.) Yeah 986705_987453 I think they would figure that one out . 987453_988708 *LAJU: Yeah 988708_988893 and my brother had met Ron 988893_989862 cause we went down there on a vacation &{l=X of &}l=X spring break once 989862_991773 and he thought we- he was really cool 991773_993211 and stuff so 993211_993842 (.) &=in he really liked him a lo:t 993842_995638 &=in until that episode 995638_996955 and then 996955_997319 (.) uh 997319_997757 I haven't spoke to my brother to be honest with you since . 997757_999979 *CAM: (.) Really ? 999979_1000787 *LAJU: (.) ʔuh . 1000787_1001261 *CAM: (..) Why . 1001261_1002194 *CAM: W- was he like upset ? 1002194_1003131 *LAJU: (..) &=in &=lengthened (..) ʔuh No: h- 1003131_1005140 I th:ink (..) I'm afraid . 1005140_1007549 *CAM: (..) Oh . 1007549_1008312 *LAJU: (.) I'm afraid that he's gonna come right out and ask me . 1008312_1010623 *CAM: (.) Oh . 1010623_1011168 *LAJU: (.) about it 1011168_1012059 and what happened was 1012059_1012685 I ended up leaving Dallas 1012685_1013996 (.) and coming back (.) to Wisconsin like a week later . 1013996_1016291 *CAM: But doesn't he come up here ever ? 1016291_1017491 *CAM: (.) For holidays at all or anything ? 1017491_1018685 *LAJU: I won't go home when he's here . 1018685_1019730 *CAM: &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened ⌈ &{l=@ Are you serious &}l=@ ⌉ ? 1019730_1021994 *LAJU: ⌊ &=laugh &=ex &=in ⌋ 1020776_1021994 I won't go to Indiana 1021994_1022636 ʔuh see I don't have any family in Wisconsin . 1022636_1024137 *LAJU: My family⌈'s all in Indi⌉ana . 1024137_1025260 *CAM: ⌊ Mm ⌋ . 1024441_1024828 *LAJU: &=in So when he comes home 1025260_1026352 like if I know he's coming home for Thanksgiving 1026352_1027769 I won't ⌈ go home ⌉ . 1027769_1028507 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 1028010_1028507 *LAJU: &=in He did call me one time 1028507_1030380 &=in because he needed me to se- sign a property agreement 1030380_1032693 some property we own jointly . 1032693_1034249 *CAM: ⌈ (.) Mhm ⌉ . 1034249_1034786 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in ⌋ 1034249_1034786 (.) My +/. 1034786_1035127 *LAJU: There's eight of us 1035127_1036047 that my grandparents left us 1036047_1037181 and he needed to borrow money against it . 1037181_1038654 *LAJU: &=in So he called 1038654_1039738 &=in (.) and left me a message 1039738_1040944 I wasn't home 1040944_1041374 I was working 1041374_1042207 &=in (.) a:nd 1042207_1043111 he said 1043111_1043425 ga:ve me his number and told me to call him ba:ck 1043425_1045220 (.) &=in and 1045220_1045894 I called my sister and said fine 1045894_1047126 send me the p- +/. 1047126_1047528 *LAJU: Tell him to send me the paper and I'll sign it 1047528_1048867 and I never talked to him . 1048867_1049862 *CAM: ⌈ (.) &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌉ . 1049862_1050948 *LAJU: ⌊ (.) &=in So I haven't ⌋ talked to my b:rother 1049862_1052118 (..) see I've been in Milwaukee for ten years: 1052118_1054885 s:o 1054885_1055250 (.) about ten and a half years . 1055250_1056597 *CAM: (.) Wo:w . 1056597_1057337 *CAM: How old is he . 1057337_1057888 *LAJU: (..) &=in He's a lot older than I am 1057888_1060210 cause if I was ten and he was nineteen 1060210_1062526 (..) so he's nine years older than me ? 1062526_1064464 *CAM: ⌈ Oh ⌉ . 1064464_1064849 *LAJU: ⌊ So ⌋ he's +/. 1064464_1065161 *LAJU: (.) He's older 1065161_1066309 he's in his forties . 1066309_1067161 *LAJU: (..) Yeah . 1067161_1069049 *LAJU: (.) He's in his fort⌈ies ⌉ . 1069049_1069913 *CAM: ⌊ Don't you ⌋ think it's it's more that you were just- (..) ⌈2 nervous at the time ⌉2 . 1069698_1073117 *LAJU: ⌊2 &=in &=lengthened Well now I'm gonna ⌋2 tell him . 1072008_1073498 *LAJU: (.) I've t- I keep telling myself every month 1073498_1075319 (.) call him 1075319_1075998 &=in and just tell him 1075998_1076910 because I wanna go to Dallas 1076910_1078163 &=in (.) and I wanna +/. 1078163_1079029 *LAJU: I I miss my brother . 1079029_1080055 *LAJU: He was my best friend- 1080055_1080834 and he knows . 1080834_1081855 *LAJU: (.) &=in He: (.) knows . 1081855_1083561 *LAJU: (..) But 1083561_1084490 (.) I just couldn't 1084490_1085518 (..) just come right out and tell him then . 1085518_1087477 *LAJU: I couldn't tell him 1087477_1088163 wel- +/. 1088163_1088369 *LAJU: There was more to it than that . 1088369_1089474 *LAJU: &=in Ron came to the house 1089474_1090710 he had a gu:n 1090710_1091597 (.) &=in they had to call the poli:ce⌈: ⌉ . 1091597_1093868 *CAM: ⌊ He had a gu:⌋n: ? 1093265_1094175 *LAJU: (.) Yes: . 1094175_1095024 *CAM: &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened ⌈ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌉ . 1095024_1096496 *LAJU: ⌊ And he was standing out⌋side the house 1095782_1097122 saying I'm gonna +/. 1097122_1097681 *LAJU: (.) I'm gonna kill myself 1097681_1098730 if you don't talk to me 1098730_1099664 just tell me 1099664_1100215 &=in &=lengthened (.) a:nd 1100215_1101854 (.) th- +/. 1101854_1102252 *LAJU: There was just so much to ⌈ this &{l=VOX &{l=X who:le &}l=X &}l=VOX ⌉ . 1102252_1104061 *CAM: ⌊ &=tsk This is the guy who ⌋ doesn't know he's gay . 1103205_1104845 *CAM: (.) ⌈2 Or: isn't ⌉2 sure if he's gay . 1104845_1106372 *LAJU: ⌊2 Yes ⌋2 . 1105230_1105790 *LAJU: (.) Yes . 1106372_1107193 *LAJU: Who's now in the air force and lives in th- in South Carolina . 1107193_1109481 *LAJU: (.) &=tsk &=in ʔSo . 1109481_1110599 *CAM: (..) Wait a second . 1110599_1111875 *CAM: (..) I thought this w- guy was go- was married . 1111875_1114268 *LAJU: (..) Ron . 1114268_1115182 *CAM: (..) Ron 1115182_1115930 (.) he's married 1115930_1116405 right ? 1116405_1116704 *LAJU: (.) That's Darren . 1116704_1117499 *CAM: Oh: 1117499_1118082 I'm thinking of ⌈ Darren right ⌉ . 1118082_1118827 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in No ⌋ 1118477_1118993 Darren's: the other guy that 1118993_1120295 (.) &{l=SM was also in a frat that I knew in college &}l=SM 1120295_1122465 the one that I told . 1122465_1123478 *CAM: (.) Oh those frat boys are too much . 1123478_1125216 *LAJU: (.) &=laugh &=lengthened &{l=@ I know &}l=@ . 1125216_1126504 *LAJU: &=in &=lengthened He was the one that I told 1126504_1128247 (..) that if he'd had told me he loved me 1128247_1130484 (.) I would have never left Washington and moved with Ron . 1130484_1132490 *LAJU: I would have (..) ⌈ stuck with ⌉ Darren . 1132490_1134228 *CAM: ⌊ Oh ⌋ . 1133430_1133826 *LAJU: (.) I would have n:ever . 1134228_1135384 *LAJU: &=in Cause I never really 1135384_1136717 (.) like I said 1136717_1137734 Ron was my friend . 1137734_1138790 *LAJU: (.) And I knew Ron was my ⌈ friend ⌉ . 1138790_1140069 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 1139686_1140069 *LAJU: (.) &=in (.) A:nd 1140069_1141321 I was in love with Darren . 1141321_1142715 *LAJU: (.) When I was in college 1142715_1143778 and to this d:ay 1143778_1144644 &=in (..) if Scott wasn't here 1144644_1146716 and (.) Darren wasn't married to a woman 1146716_1148635 &=in (.) I would be with Darren . 1148635_1150322 *LAJU: (..) &=tsk &=in He was probably (.) the best (..) s:exual partner 1150322_1154851 (.) &=in I ʔuh could ever imagine . 1154851_1156933 *LAJU: ⌈ &=laugh &=lengthened ⌉ . 1156933_1158262 *CAM: ⌊ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌋ . 1156933_1158262 *LAJU: (.) &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh . 1158262_1159688 *CAM: ⌈ Oh my God ⌉ . 1159688_1160745 *LAJU: ⌊ &{l=SM &=in &=lengthened And we never ⌋ had sex &}l=SM . 1159688_1161673 *LAJU: (..) &=in He's the only person I know who kissed me 1161673_1164362 when h- when he kissed me I just came &{l=SM right on the spot &}l=SM . 1164362_1166493 *CAM: (.) &=tsk You never had sex . 1166493_1168305 *LAJU: (.) N:ot 1168305_1169341 (.) you know . 1169341_1169913 *LAJU: (..) Not the booty dance . 1169913_1171581 *LAJU: ⌈ &=in &=lengthened &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh . 1171581_1173421 *CAM: ⌊ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh 1171581_1173177 &{l=@ The booty dance &}l=@ ⌋ . 1173177_1174492 *LAJU: &=in &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened ⌉ &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌈2 ʔuh: [% laugh] &=laugh &=in ⌉2 . 1173421_1176654 *CAM: ⌊2 &{l=% Wo:w &}l=% ⌋2 . 1175737_1176654 *LAJU: We: (.) had u:m . 1176654_1178473 *CAM: (..) You had oral sex . 1178473_1180408 *LAJU: Oral sex: . 1180408_1181369 *LAJU: (.) But he: was just 1181369_1182408 oh 1182408_1182697 (..) &=tsk &=in and fi:ne . 1182697_1184239 *LAJU: (..) &=in And I don't like men with like auburn hair . 1184239_1187503 *LAJU: (.) But he had auburn hair 1187503_1188789 and these turquoise eyes 1188789_1189889 and he was like 1189889_1190608 (.) six foot 1190608_1191518 and just 1191518_1192178 (.) oh 1192178_1192668 (.) &=in and he still is . 1192668_1193995 *LAJU: I was just like 1193995_1194989 (.) &=in he is to die: for . 1194989_1196927 *LAJU: (.) I thought 1196927_1197393 (.) &=in (.) &{l=WH why &}l=WH +/. 1197393_1198551 *LAJU: I was so young then and so stupid . 1198551_1200243 *LAJU: (.) &=in He was the ⌈ one that ⌉ blamed me . 1200243_1201741 *CAM: ⌊ &{l=P &=laugh &=laugh &}l=P ⌋ . 1200824_1201168 *LAJU: he wouldn't speak to me for six months 1201741_1203114 the first time we messed around we were drunk . 1203114_1204650 *LAJU: (.) And we messed around . 1204650_1205993 *LAJU: And he wouldn't speak to me for six months 1205993_1207422 and said it was my fault that he knows he's not gay . 1207422_1209369 *LAJU: (.) But yet he was the one that grabbed me and threw me on the floor . 1209369_1212150 *CAM: (.) He ⌈ confronted you and said ⌉ that to you ? 1212150_1214143 *LAJU: ⌊ And got on top of me ⌋ . 1212868_1213753 *LAJU: (..) &=in (.) I called him . 1214143_1216257 *CAM: Oh . 1216257_1216521 *LAJU: the next day after it had happened . 1216521_1218209 *LAJU: &=in And he said I don't want to talk to you 1218209_1220055 &=in you took advantage of me when I was drunk . 1220055_1222288 *LAJU: But he's the one that grabbed me 1222288_1223628 &=in kissed me 1223628_1224643 (..) took my underwear off 1224643_1226567 (..) a:nd 1226567_1227506 (.) he started it . 1227506_1228519 *LAJU: (..) You know 1228519_1229915 I knew: (.) what I was about . 1229915_1231586 *LAJU: (.) I (.) didn't (.) get into it 1231586_1233375 but I knew . 1233375_1234161 *CAM: (.) Right . 1234161_1234714 *LAJU: (..) And 1234714_1235799 he was the one 1235799_1236337 that was the first experience . 1236337_1237404 *LAJU: And then the second experience 1237404_1238516 &=in he didn't speak to me for three months 1238516_1240330 (..) ʔuh because he blamed me for that . 1240330_1242849 *LAJU: And then: 1242849_1243525 (.) the third experience he blamed me for 1243525_1245317 &=in he's been blaming me for all of these experiences 1245317_1247810 up unti:l 1247810_1248575 (..) uh: li:ke 1248575_1250409 (.) Scott and I got serious like the year after 1250409_1252344 and I was still k:ind of seeing Darren 1252344_1254013 &=in I went out to Washington and stuff 1254013_1255492 &=in and that's when he sto:pped blaming me . 1255492_1257238 *LAJU: Now: 1257238_1257912 &=in he calls me and tells me that he wants to be with me . 1257912_1260660 *LAJU: (..) And 1260660_1261919 (.) he called +/. 1261919_1262410 *LAJU: Like he called me last week 1262410_1263418 and said he wanted to be with me . 1263418_1264533 *CAM: (..) You're kidding . 1264533_1267061 *LAJU: (.) No . 1267061_1267681 *LAJU: (.) But he's married to Lauren . 1267681_1268951 *LAJU: (..) And I keep telling him 1268951_1271155 get out of that relationship 1271155_1272304 (.) before you have children . 1272304_1273391 *LAJU: (..) Just get out of it 1273391_1274824 (.) don't carry any by- baggage with you . 1274824_1276932 *LAJU: (..) Always my biggest theory . 1276932_1278526 *LAJU: Don't carry any excess baggage . 1278526_1280318 *CAM: (.) Mm: . 1280318_1281244 *LAJU: With you . 1281244_1281694 *LAJU: &=in And he lo:ves her . 1281694_1282940 *LAJU: But what he doesn't know how to separate is 1282940_1284554 &=in he loves her but he's not in love with her . 1284554_1286900 *LAJU: (..) You know what I mean 1286900_1288710 ⌈ he he just +... 1288710_1289565 *CAM: ⌊ Right right . 1288710_1289565 *CAM: Oh ⌋ yeah . 1289565_1290021 *LAJU: &=in ⌉ . 1289565_1289813 *CAM: you can love a person 1290021_1291094 (.) but (.) you're not ⌈ in love ⌉ with them . 1291094_1292386 *LAJU: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 1291695_1292117 *CAM: It's not sexual . 1292386_1293291 *LAJU: (..) Yeah . 1293291_1294455 *LAJU: (..) &=in And that's really har⌈:d ⌉ . 1294455_1296219 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 1295842_1296219 *LAJU: (.) Becau:se . 1296219_1297217 *CAM: &=SNIFF . 1297217_1297463 *LAJU: (..) you you find it very difficult to be 1297463_1300187 (.) to love someone and 1300187_1301238 when you tell someone you love them 1301238_1302559 &=in they misunderstand 1302559_1303876 what love is all about . 1303876_1304888 *LAJU: So 1304888_1305369 (..) &=tsk I don't know . 1305369_1306899 *LAJU: But I d- I 1306899_1307503 (.) &=in I think if there was ever anybody 1307503_1309469 (.) I truly +/. 1309469_1310606 *LAJU: But he k- +/. 1310606_1311056 *LAJU: (.) He: 1311056_1311736 (.) &=in everybody has that one person who breaks their heart 1311736_1313798 and he broke my heart . 1313798_1314835 *LAJU: (.) Just incredibly because 1314835_1316548 (.) &=in I wasn't really in love with his looks 1316548_1318506 I: just 1318506_1319457 (..) I've never met anybody who when you (.) they touched you 1319457_1322360 just 1322360_1322707 (.) there was so much warmth . 1322707_1323982 *LAJU: And so much 1323982_1324762 (.) &=in just +/. 1324762_1325540 *LAJU: There was so much (.) energy there . 1325540_1326940 *LAJU: (.) &=in Tha:t 1326940_1328135 (.) I mean . 1328135_1328969 *CAM: &=tsk So you've (.) kept ⌈ in con⌉tact with him ? 1328969_1330991 *LAJU: ⌊ &{l=P ʔuh Mm &}l=P ⌋ 1330063_1330400 (.) yes: . 1330991_1332123 *LAJU: Since nineteen +/. 1332123_1333562 *LAJU: (..) Yeah . 1333562_1334644 *CAM: (..) That's ama⌈zing ⌉ . 1334644_1335967 *LAJU: ⌊ I've been ⌋ here 1335664_1336283 for all this time . 1336283_1336985 *CAM: (.) What does he just call 1336985_1338287 or you call 1338287_1339076 &{l=P &{l=X when he's &}l=X &}l=P +... 1339076_1339548 *LAJU: No . 1339548_1339920 *LAJU: (.) He calls me . 1339920_1340778 *LAJU: (..) I can't call him . 1340778_1342959 *CAM: (..) Oh . 1342959_1344014 *LAJU: (..) &=in &=lengthened Actually I can 1344014_1345626 cause his wife knows that we're friends . 1345626_1347461 *LAJU: (.) But I don't choose to call him . 1347461_1349337 *LAJU: (..) &=in He +/. 1349337_1350522 *LAJU: (..) Like he used to travel 1350522_1352140 ⌈ around ⌉ the country . 1352140_1353007 *CAM: ⌊ &=SNIFF ⌋ . 1352140_1352376 *LAJU: they live +/. 1353007_1353461 *LAJU: They used to live in ⌈ Valencia ⌉ California . 1353461_1355004 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 1354059_1354546 *LAJU: now they live somewhere 1355004_1355997 (..) they just moved 1355997_1357133 cause his wife got a new job . 1357133_1358315 *LAJU: &=in He quit his job for her 1358315_1359754 (..) for her: (.) job . 1359754_1361340 *LAJU: Cause she moved to California for them 1361340_1362805 cause they were living in Washington DC . 1362805_1364132 *LAJU: &=in So he used to travel all around the world . 1364132_1365985 *LAJU: &=in Well whenever he come to Wisconsin for the dairy expo 1365985_1368602 or he'd come here 1368602_1369574 (.) &=in go to Chicago for (.) some reason 1369574_1371665 to take businessmen around 1371665_1372772 &=in what he did was 1372772_1373933 &=in (.) ʔuh 1373933_1374812 he took f:- uh farmers around from arou- different parts of the world 1374812_1378042 so that they can look at farms . 1378042_1379535 *LAJU: &=in So his travel a lot of times was in Wisconsin 1379535_1381993 (.) because of the farms here . 1381993_1383334 *LAJU: (.) &=in They would see how: (.) things were done and 1383334_1385614 he- +/. 1385614_1385965 *LAJU: (..) He like took them around (.) &=tsk the world . 1385965_1388638 *LAJU: (.) &=in You know doing this . 1388638_1389641 *LAJU: And he traveled all over the world . 1389641_1391010 *LAJU: &=in See 1391010_1391485 tha:t's why 1391485_1392371 (..) I think Darren no:w 1392371_1394017 is getting to this point where 1394017_1395095 &=in (.) he's with Lauren all the ti:me . 1395095_1397351 *LAJU: (..) And before 1397351_1398998 Darren traveled like ninety percent of the year . 1398998_1401066 *LAJU: (..) He was gone . 1401066_1402469 *LAJU: (.) I mean 1402469_1403108 Darren was gone ninety percent of the year . 1403108_1404891 *LAJU: (..) So now he's with Lauren (.) ev:ery day 1404891_1407570 and it's been this way for the last three or four months . 1407570_1409823 *LAJU: (.) &=in And I ⌈ think k ⌉ +... 1409823_1411079 *CAM: ⌊ Oh that's ⌋ all ? 1410603_1411350 *CAM: (..) For the last three or four months ? 1411350_1413035 *CAM: ⌈ Oh ⌉ +... 1413035_1413313 *LAJU: ⌊ He just ⌋ started stop +/. 1413035_1413826 *LAJU: They've been married six years . 1413826_1414946 *LAJU: (.) He ⌈ just stopped trav⌉eling . 1414946_1416139 *CAM: ⌊ Oh: ⌋ ? 1415206_1415898 *LAJU: (..) And I think now it's just like 1416139_1418786 (..) I don't know if this is for me 1418786_1420248 I don't know if this is right 1420248_1421363 &=in and he's starting to call me . 1421363_1422831 *LAJU: And he's starting to tell me how much he cares for me 1422831_1424604 and how he has feelings for me 1424604_1425862 and I +/. 1425862_1426068 *LAJU: &=in I know that you're with Scott . 1426068_1427524 *LAJU: &=in And I'm just li:ke 1427524_1428875 (..) and I'm not giving up my life for you . 1428875_1431168 *LAJU: (.) &=in He asked me once 1431168_1432248 right out of college 1432248_1433090 when he moved to Washington DC 1433090_1434511 (..) when I came back 1434511_1435973 from California 1435973_1436795 and I was here 1436795_1437256 and I had just started working 1437256_1438332 &=in he asked me to move to Madison . 1438332_1440079 *LAJU: (..) To be with him . 1440079_1441131 *LAJU: (.) That was when he was on the peak of thinking maybe I am gay . 1441131_1443617 *LAJU: (.) &=in And I said 1443617_1444675 (..) well: 1444675_1445714 (.) why don't I come out there first 1445714_1447057 and we'll see . 1447057_1447513 *LAJU: So I went out there 1447513_1448339 &=in and he goes 1448339_1448956 &=in well yeah you can move out here and get your own apartment 1448956_1450922 whereas he owned a three-bedroom hou:se 1450922_1452726 (..) and lived by himself 1452726_1454223 and I'm like 1454223_1454631 (..) okay 1454631_1455458 can I afford to move out here 1455458_1456713 get a apartment 1456713_1457414 until I fi:nd +/. 1457414_1458428 *LAJU: He never said move in here with me until you find a place or whatever . 1458428_1461486 *LAJU: &=in It was just li:ke 1461486_1462927 (.) &=in and then he wanted the still straight life 1462927_1464937 (..) and this and that and other . 1464937_1466196 *LAJU: So now he claims bisexuality 1466196_1468065 (.) &=in but he's moving closer I think &{l=X to steps of being &}l=X gay 1468065_1470788 (.) &=in because when he was talking to me on the phone last week 1470788_1473138 (..) he was telling me how much he still loved me . 1473138_1476071 *LAJU: (..) And he doesn't know what to do about this whole sit⌈uation ⌉ . 1476071_1478903 *CAM: ⌊ How could he ⌋ really love you though 1478370_1479774 he doesn't know you that much . 1479774_1481151 *LAJU: &=in He doesn't know me 1481151_1482056 because in the last ten years 1482056_1483711 &=in we talked to each other maybe once a month . 1483711_1485982 *CAM: (..) Well that's quite a bit though . 1485982_1487826 *LAJU: And actually maybe not even that . 1487826_1489010 *LAJU: Sometimes it's every other month . 1489010_1490369 *LAJU: When he was traveling around the world 1490369_1491551 &=in like he went to Germany for six weeks . 1491551_1493402 *LAJU: And he sent me his frequent flyer ticket . 1493402_1495205 *LAJU: (.) &=in (.) Cause he was there 1495205_1496721 (.) training to t- speak 1496721_1497632 learning to speak German in a six-week course . 1497632_1499539 *LAJU: &=in And he sent ⌈ me ⌉ . 1499539_1500636 *CAM: ⌊ &=THROAT ⌋ . 1500238_1500636 *LAJU: (.) a free- k- to- (.) to come and spend a week with him 1500636_1502967 and I said no . 1502967_1503960 *LAJU: &=in But at that time 1503960_1505048 (.) I would- been with Scott like four years 1505048_1506998 and I was just like 1506998_1507886 &=laugh &=ex 1507886_1508111 (.) I don't think so . 1508111_1509308 *LAJU: You're not gonna use me 1509308_1510267 for your little sex thing for that &=in week 1510267_1512551 and then that's it 1512551_1513411 so 1513411_1513795 (..) &=tsk &=in I mean 1513795_1515746 (..) I st- I love him 1515746_1517609 (.) ⌈ I real⌉ly do but . 1517609_1518660 *CAM: ⌊ &{l=P Hm &}l=P ⌋ . 1517906_1518170 *LAJU: I don't +/. 1518660_1519141 *LAJU: (..) &=in I also don't trust him . 1519141_1521493 *LAJU: (.) I don't think any man 1521493_1522591 (.) &=in who (..) is as sexual as he w- (.) is 1522591_1527187 (..) ʔuh and traveled as much as he did 1527187_1530543 (.) could stay 1530543_1531441 (.) celibate 1531441_1532335 or- or stay t- t- committed to his wi:fe . 1532335_1534389 *CAM: (.) Right . 1534389_1534980 *LAJU: (.) I mean when y- I saw him once in Chicago 1534980_1537340 (..) I went to Chicago . 1537340_1539017 *LAJU: (.) About (.) four years ago ? 1539017_1540886 *LAJU: (.) Five years ago ? 1540886_1541751 *LAJU: (..) A:nd he was in Chicago 1541751_1544185 in this &{l=VOX really nice &}l=VOX hotel 1544185_1545424 and he &=in said 1545424_1546440 why don't you come and 1546440_1547195 (.) you know 1547195_1547725 I:'m free Saturday 1547725_1549319 (..) and Sunday . 1549319_1550482 *LAJU: Why don't you come . 1550482_1551058 *LAJU: And I said fine . 1551058_1551626 *LAJU: So I took the train to Chicago on Saturday 1551626_1553388 (.) &=in and I thought okay no big deal 1553388_1555328 he'll have (.) a room with two double beds . 1555328_1556934 *LAJU: (.) No it was a king-size bed . 1556934_1558603 *LAJU: &=in So I thought 1558603_1559284 okay 1559284_1559622 no big deal 1559622_1560001 I took a sleeping bag 1560001_1561019 just in case . 1561019_1561955 *LAJU: &=in So 1561955_1562690 here I am 1562690_1563346 (.) taking my sleeping bag 1563346_1564593 I roll it out on the floor 1564593_1565649 and he goes 1565649_1565984 &=in &=lengthened ʔuh &=ex 1565984_1566704 well you don't have to worry 1566704_1567612 you can share this bed with me 1567612_1568886 I love Lauren 1568886_1569932 (..) and +/. 1569932_1570631 *LAJU: No: I take that back . 1570631_1571659 *LAJU: (.) &=in It was more than five years ago 1571659_1573193 because he's been married to Lauren for six years this coming May 1573193_1575624 (..) no . 1575624_1576470 *LAJU: Seven years this coming May . 1576470_1577466 *LAJU: &=in So it was m:ore than six years ago because 1577466_1579526 (.) it was when he asked Lauren to marry him 1579526_1581054 it was right around Christmas time . 1581054_1582325 *LAJU: &=in So it's been about six and a half years so 1582325_1584094 &=in he asked Lauren to marry him 1584094_1585370 &=in and he says I really love Lauren 1585370_1586835 X I'm gonna marry her 1586835_1587606 and blah blah blah this . 1587606_1588591 *LAJU: &=in So I get in the bed 1588591_1589574 I thought fine 1589574_1590174 no big deal . 1590174_1590753 *LAJU: (.) I'm wearing my t-shirt and my underwear 1590753_1592320 so I get in the bed 1592320_1593073 (..) &=in and in the morning I wake up 1593073_1595051 (.) and here he is 1595051_1596019 (..) fondling me . 1596019_1597910 *LAJU: (..) &=tsk So I'm like 1597910_1600253 okay 1600253_1600884 so 1600884_1601336 do you leave 1601336_1602080 or what do you do . 1602080_1602960 *LAJU: (..) You know 1602960_1603603 so ʔuh 1603603_1604131 (.) I'm like Darren 1604131_1605014 (..) ʔuh he goes 1605014_1605851 just don't say anything . 1605851_1606972 *LAJU: And I said Darren 1606972_1607621 (..) this isn't right 1607621_1609182 (.) you don't really want to be with me 1609182_1610840 (.) you just want (.) the sexual part . 1610840_1612860 *LAJU: (..) And I said that's all there is to it 1612860_1614286 and I just can't do this . 1614286_1615574 *LAJU: (..) And (..) he accepted it 1615574_1618232 and I I don't know: +/. 1618232_1619275 *LAJU: (..) He always 1619275_1620461 and he'll always ask me 1620461_1621577 &=in well how's Scott 1621577_1622597 (.) &=in how is your sex life with Sco:tt . 1622597_1624603 *LAJU: (.) Are you happy with Scott 1624603_1626137 (.) you know 1626137_1626799 do you still miss me . 1626799_1628074 *LAJU: (.) &=in And I'm like 1628074_1629056 (.) well Darren I haven't told you I missed you in years . 1629056_1631026 *LAJU: What are you ⌈ talking about ⌉ . 1631026_1632083 *CAM: ⌊ &=laugh &=ex &=lengthened &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh &=laugh ⌋ . 1631214_1632552 *LAJU: You know 1632552_1632904 it's [% laugh] like 1632904_1633605 k- excuse me . 1633605_1634350 *LAJU: ⌈ &=in (.) ʔuhʔuh ⌉ . 1634350_1635518 *CAM: ⌊ ʔuh Is he like full of himself ⌋ or what . 1634350_1635819 *LAJU: (..) &=tsk &=in And he's another one too . 1635819_1638048 *CAM: &=THROAT . 1638048_1638260 *LAJU: He knows (.) he's (.) good-looking . 1638260_1640199 *LAJU: He he's another one . 1640199_1641101 *LAJU: (.) When we were were in college 1641101_1642298 he knew it . 1642298_1642696 *CAM: (.) Mm . 1642696_1643326 *LAJU: (.) And (.) and what really gets me is th- ʔuh that 1643326_1645514 (..) &=tsk &=in I think 1645514_1646929 (.) the reason I always attra:cted 1646929_1648864 like I attracted a lot of football players 1648864_1650510 &=in is people always (.) got the impression (.) I was gay: . 1650510_1653446 *LAJU: (.) &=in So 1653446_1654408 if they knew you were gay: 1654408_1655583 and they wanted some (.) experience 1655583_1657283 and they (.) &=in they didn't want to approach another (.) say man in your fra:t . 1657283_1660546 *LAJU: (.) &=in (.) And they kinda thou:ght you were gay: 1660546_1663229 and nobody really wanted to &=in like say it 1663229_1665380 (.) they would approach me . 1665380_1666778 *CAM: (.) ⌈ Mm: ⌉ . 1666778_1667374 *LAJU: ⌊ &=in So ⌋ I always got all the good-looking ones to always like 1667026_1669936 (.) come after me . 1669936_1671128 *CAM: (.) &{l=P Mm: &}l=P . 1671128_1672388 *LAJU: And that's how I ended up with Ron 1672388_1673734 and how I ended up with Darren . 1673734_1674610 *LAJU: And I and I realize that 1674610_1675787 &=in you know I always think well 1675787_1677217 especially Ron . 1677217_1677927 *LAJU: I mean &{l=% he: was just like &}l=% 1677927_1679225 (.) oh 1679225_1679712 (.) just (.) perfect . 1679712_1680756 *LAJU: Well Darren was too but 1680756_1681765 &=in Darren 1681765_1682626 &=in a lot of people don't like auburn hair or reddish brown hair . 1682626_1685384 *LAJU: They don't (.) ca- care for it . 1685384_1686863 *LAJU: But Ron just is just a- +/. 1686863_1688440 *LAJU: (.) &=in just a beautiful man . 1688440_1689755 *LAJU: They both were but 1689755_1690545 &=in I find that that's what happens in these fraternities . 1690545_1693261 *LAJU: Is you find a man who (.) is curious about his sexuality . 1693261_1696166 *LAJU: (.) &=in And if they find someone who they question 1696166_1698683 (.) okay 1698683_1699479 is he gay or isn't he gay 1699479_1700914 (.) &=in then they will tend to (.) go after you a little bit faster . 1700914_1704358 *LAJU: &=in So then you think 1704358_1705089 okay you've seen some of these guys in the bars and you think 1705089_1707192 (..) &=tsk like I was out (.) at the Triangle 1707192_1709903 and I saw this guy 1709903_1710336 he was so: good-looking 1710336_1711468 I'm like . 1711468_1711759 *CAM: &=THROAT . 1711759_1712196 *LAJU: &=in how the hell did he end up with that (.) &{l=VOX thi:ng &}l=VOX . 1712196_1714818 *LAJU: &=in And then I thought you know 1714818_1715974 I betcha he's just out +/. 1715974_1717359 *LAJU: And he was from Marquette 1717359_1718319 &=in and he (.) was just finding out 1718319_1720392 and he met this guy: 1720392_1721619 (.) and that's why he was out with him . 1721619_1723316 *CAM: Oh:⌈: ⌉ . 1723316_1724274 *LAJU: ⌊ You ⌋ know 1724111_1724507 I mean . 1724507_1724912 *CAM: ⌈ When was ⌉ this . 1724912_1725598 *LAJU: ⌊ it- ⌋ +/. 1724912_1725273 *LAJU: (.) &=tsk &=in This was probab- +/. 1725598_1727066 *LAJU: This was a while back . 1727066_1727877 *LAJU: This was +... 1727877_1728305 *CAM: They young ? 1728305_1729054 *LAJU: (.) Yeah . 1729054_1729390 *LAJU: ⌈ Well the w- ⌉ +... 1729390_1729929 *CAM: ⌊ Oh ⌋ . 1729390_1729929 *LAJU: &=in They were young . 1729929_1730949 *LAJU: &=in The one guy in particular was young . 1730949_1732439 *LAJU: The guy that was from Marquette . 1732439_1733562 *CAM: (.) ⌈ Mm ⌉ . 1733562_1734089 *LAJU: ⌊ Was ⌋ probably 1733822_1734594 I f- +/. 1734594_1734913 *LAJU: I wouldn't think he would be more than (..) twenty 1734913_1738024 (..) twenty-one 1738024_1738791 I couldn't- +/. 1738791_1739199 *LAJU: But he shouldn't have been in the Triangle if you want to know the truth . 1739199_1741281 *LAJU: (..) So: 1741281_1743649 (.) but 1743649_1744255 (.) um: 1744255_1745006 (.) no: 1745006_1745758 &=in he was just very ni:ce . 1745758_1747453 @End